Too much to hold

This painting was made the week my brother will be a father. We went to a place called Beneficio, in South of Spain. It was a change for him, and for me too, like always, i am in transition… Some painting I do, help me to reflect my soul. This one « too much to hold » didn’t have any purpose, I just wanted to try the brush pen. Then come out some buried feeling hidden behind esthetic shapes. Beauty doesn’t hide anything, I guess he allows you to see it through when you resonate with what is behind the surface. I feel that I have too much to hold, since I lost my mother, I never really felt having the time to mourn. I had to be present for my brothers and sister, my father and a broken family. I didn’t realize how far I was touched because I could express my feelings at that time. But yes,i needed time to conceptualize this. Since then, life has passed over me, not giving me the luxe to take care of myself, to step out of a meaningless actions, to be drawn into behaviour far from spirituality (this field that could help me to make a real step.) I have been away in my head for this moment, I still remember another me joyful and simple. Creative and full of light, smiley and honest, innocent and protected. Now I am on my own, and too much to hold is just a conclusion of what I feel now, but art shows me where to go, creativity shows my keys and doors to open, now the actions are waiting to finalize the process of emancipation.